Co-regulation is often subtle. It is not about doing more—it is about doing things differently. 1. Regulating Yourself First Children are highly sensitive to the emotional states of adults. If an adult responds with: frustration urgency anxiety the child’s distress may escalate. Co-regulation begins with the adult’s ability to: pause slow down respond with intention This does not mean suppressing your emotions. It means being aware of how they are expressed in the moment. 2. Using Presence...

To understand why co-regulation is foundational, it is helpful to briefly consider how regulation works in the body. Regulation is not just about behaviour. It is about the nervous system. When a child is overwhelmed, their body may shift into: A heightened state (fight or flight): agitation, crying, aggression A shutdown state (freeze): withdrawal, silence, disengagement In these states, the brain is not in a position to: process language follow instructions access learned coping strategies...

There is a common expectation placed on children—often quietly, sometimes explicitly. They should learn to calm themselves. They should “use their strategies.” They should manage their emotions independently. Self-regulation has become a widely used goal across therapy, education, and parenting conversations. It is often seen as a marker of maturity, readiness for school, and overall developmental progress. But there is an important question we must pause to ask: How does a child learn to...